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Kermit
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First: some of the language is a bit immature. -"- please" should never sweet want group sex be uttered by an adult unless it's an ageplay scenario. Or if there's bratting involved, perhaps there's a certain joking tone to the scene. You need to work to set the tone right from the beginning and stick with it, unless there's going to be a drastic change in the story's path. -"Throbbing". "Member". "Seed". "Mound" No. Just no. Please. These just make your writing seem amateur to the point of being juvenile. Second: there needs to be more detail to better describe transitions between the sex acts. As written, it's jarring. Unless you're going specifiy for that effect, it's defeating the purpose of writing. Writing requires flow. Third: grammar, spelling and structure. As someone pointed out earlier, grab the thesaurus and become best friends with it. I still struggle with dialogue. Sometimes I write dialogue that's just plain silly, to the point that it makes me cringe. So I know what you're dealing with. with her behavior. how strongly do you feel about what she is doing? does it keep you up at night? or do you not really give a rip? if it were ME, i would show her the door Beautiful older women seeking hot sex loking for sex and tell her to take up with mr. internet. she is living a fantasy right now. the only thing that break her daydream is a bucket of ice water reality, hard and fast. but then, i'm a a total bitch, and i also tend to prefer things hard and fast :) Augustine

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